Boston Herald Margery Eagan column: Viagra ads get a rise out of viewers

Yesterday I found my self humming the "Viva Viagra" jingle. My buddy Peter Bogren told me Viagra will sponsor the weekly college football coach rankings. "I can't wait to hear about how Ohio State is climbing the Viagra pole."

"Smiling Bob," and he's really smiling, is ubiquitous now hawking Enzyte, the natural male enhancer. He's even on cable news. Inquiring Americans all want to know: Why is there a lovey-dovey couple side-by-side in separate bathtubs, gazing at the horizon, in Cialis ads? What's with the bathtubs?

Only a few years ago, you could avoid this stuff. Maybe you spotted Viagra man Rafael Palmero at a Nascar race. Or maybe you went to Gillette Stadium, where the Patriots would run onto the field through an inflatable helmet sporting the Levitra logo. Then somebody deflated the helmet as drunken fans groaned.

But now we're talking All Erectile Dysfunction All the Time on TV, dawn to dusk and right through prime time. Oh, the children! And yesterday I learned that U.S. Rep. Jim Moran (D-Virginia) has just reintroduced legislation requiring the Federal Communications Commission to treat ads for Viagra, et al., as indecent and bar them from TV from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m.

"You can hardly watch prime time television or a major sporting event with your family without ads warning of the dangers of a 'four- hour experience' airing every ten minutes," complains Moran. And his complaint begs the age old ED question: Where are all these men enduring four-hour experiences? How come we don't hear of them being rushed to emergency rooms coast to coast?

Karl Zahn of New Hampshire is suspicious because his " 'experiences' . . . totaled four hours in my whole life."

So are American men thrilled by ED shape-up ads? I have no idea.

But the women I've asked? Every one hates them.

"They made you think of all the great sex you're not having," says one long-married wife.

"I worry they'll give my husband ideas," says another.

"I'm a grandmother. I've done enough for my country," says a third.

A fourth is still "trying to figure out the bathtubs." buy sildenafil online new mexico


All this makes me one in spirit, at least, with Congressman Moran. Yet if he truly finds these ads indecent, he's gotta get around the TV dial more. Plus, in the real world, his 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. ban is doomed. Viva Viagra's target audience can't stay awake past 10. buy cialis online tennessee

Religious joke

A Sunday School class of about ten kids is being run. The teacher asks, "What body part do you think goes to Heaven first?"

Little Susie says, "Your head goes in first, because you float up."

Little Janie says, "No. Your hands go in first because you're praying."

Little Johnny says, "You're both wrong. You go in feet-first." The teacher is perplexed. "Why feet first, Johnny?"

Johnny says, "Last night, I went into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom and Mommy's feet were in the air, and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'"

New Wine For Seniors

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as

PINO MORE


I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE

Ahhhh Venice....

Me and a friend were staying at a hostel in Venice. After he spent the night drinking cheap wine, he was locked out by the hostel's curfew.
After spending the night roaming the streets, he finally made it in at 9am the next morning. He had a nap and woke up to find a disgusting lump in his shorts.

He felt horrible for having done it, and worse for not even remembering....